The White Dove

Symbol – Dove
Emotion – Sorrow

I walk aimlessly through the barren park, watching children play with their parents and partners holding hands, something I try to ignore but can’t. Although every time I stare I can feel the fear and desire come rushing back. But I continue looking, almost as if I’m trying to torture myself. As I continue through the pass, the autumn sun presses on my soft face as leaves fall down on me. Then in the corner of my eye, I see a small white bird, staring right at me, I turn around to see a man my age sitting on a bench by himself. I contemplate going over to him, but quickly remember the feathered creature I had just laid eyes on and turn back around. The bird is still there, staring even more firmly at me. I walk over to get a better look, noticing its appearance to be a dove, which comes as I shock to me. I continue walking over to the animal, but it suddenly flies out of my sight. I turn around to see if it went in my past direction and notice the man had left as well. I try to understand what just happened but am cut off by the sight of a couple kissing, leading a swell of emotion to come rushing through my body. I can feel the anger and sorrow in my stomach as it slowly reaches my heart and brain as I race to a private spot away from the lovers to calm myself. ‘How did I let this happen?’ I think as I breathe deeply. I knew when I woke up this morning that I should’ve taken the other route to the store, but my naivety had made me believe I was emotionally ready, which obviously was not the case I guess. Maybe next time, maybe.

I lie in bed, thinking. It’s almost 12 am, and my insomnia is killing me. I get out of bed to get a glass of water, my body shivering in the cold kitchen. I stare unconsciously at the mirror, my pale face cold with its shakey blue eyes. Then in the corner of my eye, I catch a fleeting glimpse of a silhouette, I turn to look and see it’s a dove, the same dove from early in the day. I quickly rub my eyes to make sure I’m not hallucinating but see it’s still there, watching quietly. I try to examine the circumstances of how exactly it came into my apartment but can’t place a finger on it. ‘Hello,’ I say, stupidly expecting an answer. The bird keeps looking. I walk over to the animal, reaching only a metre away, the bird staying surprisingly calm. I begin to notice her pale blue eyes, the same shade as mine, with a tent of aqua green. She slowly turns her head and flies to the window sill, staring down at the street below. I look down where she’s looking to see a child alone, sitting on the park bench, crying. I stare for a second longer until the memories come back, a young girl waiting for her parents on a cold winter night, only to be left in the dust for nearly a week.
I begin to breakdown, crying cold salty tears. The bird looks at me softly, her quiet beautiful eyes staring empathetically into my soul. I can read her expression like a book and begin to grab my coat, taking the elevator down to the bottom floor. Outside the girl’s still there, her eyes red from tears. I sit next to her, thinking of what to say, recalling what I wanted people to say to me over 15 years ago.
‘I’m sorry, it isn’t fair is it?’ she looks up at me, face stained with dry tears. ‘It’s ok,’ I say, ‘you don’t need to say anything, I understand.’ her face shows her on the verge of another breakdown, but her eyes have no tears left. Seeing her sickly expression leads to tears falling down my eyes while she looks up at me in disbelief. Silence falls between us until it breaks away by her broken voice. ‘Why’d he leave me, what did… what did I do to deserve this?’ she says, her body shivering in the cold night air.
‘Absolutely nothing, no one deserves this, not in the least a young girl.’ I say.
‘Well, I’m not that young, I’m 10.’ she says, in a slight chuckle as I give a small smile. The slightly less depressing atmosphere giving us some room to breathe.
‘I just want you to know,’ I say, ‘that if you need something, anything, you can just ask, I’m not busy.’
‘Thanks,’ she says.
‘Don’t mention it.’ For another moment, the world goes quiet, but not in the awkward sense, in a calming sense.
‘Actually,’ she says, ‘I wanna find my daddy, can you help me find him?’
‘Of course,’ I say, with a soft soulful smile, ‘come on.’

We walk through the dark cool town, past broken pattered buildings and lifeless trees. We reach the old police buildings, it lights barely visible in the darkness. I begin to walk in when I notice her just standing outside, hesitant.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask
‘I don’t wanna go in,’ she says.
‘Why not?’
‘My dad told me to never go to the police for help, he says there scary, and untrustworthy.’ she says. I begin to see the bigger picture.
‘Well…’ I think of a response, ‘maybe the ones he’s seen but not these ones, their good.’
‘No, he said all police are bad. They all can’t be trusted’
‘Well, if you don’t trust them,’ I say, ‘why do you trust me?’ For a moment the world stops spinning as I can almost hear the confusion in her mind as she thinks of something to say.
‘Because,’ she replies, ‘because you understand me.’ I give a soft smile.
‘And they will too, it’s alright, they won’t bite’ Her face still reeks of wariness but she slowly approaches the building, walking inside with me. I go up to the lady at the desk.

‘Cuse me, ma’am,’ I say, ‘I hate to be a bother at this time of night but I found this young girl on a park bench and I think it would be best to take her back to her parents, or some other place safe.’ she looks up at me and down to the girl, with a tired but concerned expression.
‘And what’s her name?’ she says.
‘What’s your name?’ I ask the girl.
‘M- Maria.’ she answers.
‘Maria.’ I say
‘And yours?’ the lady asks.
‘Kristen.’ I reply.
‘Take a seat.’ She says. We wait for a few minutes, seating rather uncomfortably in the barely functional furniture, then an officer walks in, and takes Maria into her office while another quickly questions the circumstances of how I found her, I tell most of it, except for the dove part, that’s probably best left out. Afterwards, the officer informs me of my departure and I make my way back to my apartment.

‘It’s a beautiful day out’, I think as I stare out of the freshly cleaned supermarket window. I make my way to the checkout to order my food as I continue looking out the window in a daydream. Once I have paid I make my way to the beach, the hot afternoon sun pushing on my bare arms. I sit down on the soft sand, the small waves pressing on my cold feet